'Confirm Shaming' and other marketing practices that give me (and probably your customers) the ick!

Have you heard the marketing term Confirm Shaming before? Maybe not, but I bet it's been used on you a bunch of times, possibly successfully.

For me, it's an absolute turn off. Over the years I have seen this practice rise and fall but it seems to be on the rise again, so I thought I’d shine a light on it in the hope that it helps you to recognise it as a consumer and steer clear of it as a business owner.

What is confirm shaming?

It’s a marketing tactic that uses guilt or embarrassment to manipulate customers into making decisions that benefit the business, often against the customers’ own interests. For example, during a product launch or a course offering, you might see messages like “I guess you don’t want to succeed” or “You must not care about saving money” if you choose not to sign up. These manipulative phrases shame the customer for not taking the desired action.

Confirm shaming works because it plays on the vulnerabilities of consumers (people). We want to be liked, to be seen, to be a part of the action. FOMO is not just a hashtag, it’s a genuine emotional state and confirm shaming digs deep into that state.

Some examples of confirm shaming

Online stores and email campaigns frequently use this marketing practice. On e-commerce sites, when customers attempt to leave a page or decline an offer, they might encounter prompts like “Yes, I love saving money” versus “No, I prefer wasting money.” 

If you’re not sure what I mean, head over to TEMU, they are big users of this tactic. It’s part of a series of what’s known as ‘Dark Patterns’ - deceptive practices used in e-commerce, user interfaces and website design to trick consumers into doing something they might not have done of their own free will. 

Dark patterns exploit our cognitive biases and take advantage of our natural instincts and decision-making processes. Dark patterns include practices like; fake countdown timers, pop ups with suggestive messaging, showing the supposed number of people who have already bought the product, showing the supposed number of people who have just added the product to cart, showing the product as only having one left in stock, and more like this. These experiences are strategically crafted to manipulate user behaviour, often to benefit the business by increasing conversions or data collection.

In email marketing, businesses might bombard potential buyers with high-pressure sales emails and shame-driven messages during membership or course launches to encourage sign-ups. The minute I experience this, it’s an unsubscribe.

I once didn’t take up an offer I hadn’t shown interest in and got an email at the end of the launch period that had the subject line “snoozers are losers” and the snippet text was “and you snoozed”. Perhaps there was a follow up or second chance inside that email but I hit unsubscribe and never opened it and I also unfollowed that business.

Lately it's been popping up a lot in reference to using AI, with many so called experts selling “the prompt to end all prompts” and "if you don’t buy this prompt (or similar) you’ll never catch up". Business owners are very easy targets when it comes to that stuff because it’s complicated and confusing and they are manipulated into thinking they are stupid for not getting on board.

Have you come across anything like that?

While confirm shaming and other dark patterns might achieve short-term success in terms of higher conversion rates, they can have a negative effect on trust and brand reputation in the long run. When customers feel manipulated or shamed into making decisions, they may begin to distrust the brand and look elsewhere for more transparent alternatives. Ethical marketing practices that respect customer autonomy and promote informed choices are increasingly valued by consumers, who are becoming more aware of dark pattern tactics.

Implications for small businesses

Many small business owners see these marketing practices used by larger companies and mimic it, often without realising the negative impact it can have. It’s normal to think that a big successful company has all the right strategies but, in the case of some of those big ecommerce companies, what they have is an enormous pipeline of customers to backfill any that get turned off and leave. Confirm shaming might increase short-term sales but damage long-term customer relationships and trust, as customers may feel manipulated rather than respected and valued.

For small businesses trust, referrals and repeat business is vital to long-term success.

Is it legal?

While confirm shaming itself is not explicitly illegal, as I mentioned earlier, its use falls into the broader category of dark patterns and some regions have laws against such practices. The European Union considers practices like confirm shaming to breach consumer protection laws, which can be investigated as unfair commercial practices. In the US, the Federal Trade Commission monitors deceptive online practices, and there has been a legislative push, like the DETOUR Act and the California Privacy Rights Act, to curb dark patterns. 

Australian Consumer Law addresses dark patterns as unfair trading practices when they are misleading or unconscionable. Reforms are in motion to more explicitly prohibit these practices.

What role does AI play?

A big one, unfortunately. More and more people are turning to AI to create marketing strategies, advertising content, and to develop workflows and email campaigns. Without the marketing expertise, without nuance or context, without empathy or ethics, AI is going to offer dark pattern strategies and I suspect that’s part of the reason we are seeing this rise. The more confirm shaming that’s used in the public online space, the more AI will scrape it and offer it as a strategy. It’s important to keep that in mind when asking generative AI to help you with your marketing.  

I believe that any sized business can continue to develop marketing approaches that offer transparency and build genuine customer trust. Moving away from confirm shaming to more positive, empowering messaging can help build a loyal customer base, increase trust, increase positive associations and referrals.

Remember this - your customers come to you for a reason. Your customers bypass the huge online stores or mega service providers for a reason. Double down on what makes you special and keep an eye out for any times you dip into unethical practices.

I’d love to hear your experiences. Comment or connect with me.

❤️ Hi I’m Erika ✌️ I’m a marketing specialist with a stack of quals and almost 30 years marketing experience.

I’m well-placed to help you navigate the sometimes overwhelming world of marketing and social media.

I work with you one-on-one or create fun and action-oriented workshops and webinars for groups, organisations and businesses. Book a free discovery call with me or simply email me to get the conversation started.